i'm stuck. in a rut that my spinning tires only keep making deeper. i'm frustrated with life, work, church. i mean i couldn't be happier with my Man-With-The-Holy-Bicep. He's amazing & never failing & always, ALWAYS there for me, no question. but lately i've been having a lot of trouble with lining myself up with people. i have some pretty strong views, opinions, and education when it comes to God, traditions, and beliefs. the more research i do the more secure i become in what God is teaching me. i know God is constantly teaching me things...sometimes it's really amazing lessons that are fun to learn...but other times i'm not such a fan of His teaching methods until i'm well out of His learning curve.
i get really frustrated when i can't learn. and lately i've felt really stifled by my current church. and i don't really know what to do about it. there are some people that really frustrate me. from their ridiculous need to fit in; no matter who they have to belittle in the process to others refusal to respect my personal bubble. i just feel so suffocated, so smothered as of late...and i'm stuck because i don't know how to deal with this...how to get past it. how to removed the focus from my frustrations & transfer that focus back to the J-Man. i mean i KNOW i've dealt with this lesson before. when i was doing missions in Tahoe i got so caught up in trying to serve our supervisors that i lost track of serving God. He finally smacked the back of my head hard enough that He caught my attention...but right now i'm just lost. lost & trapped. i'm having a hard time trying to distance myself from the people that are twisting Christianity to suite their twisted truisms & it's making it really hard for me to allow myself to be aligned with them...to let people think i believe and/or support any of what their saying.
i don't know...this is just a ramble....i just feel so lost...so trapped...and i'm just searching for the buoy to latch onto so i can stop treading water in this storm & start seeing the hope...
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
2 years ago
1 comment:
dear Tricia,
i cried when i read this because i am going through the exact. same. thing. minus the church bit, my church and a few people in it are some of my only forms of affirmation to my crazy "theories" (what i call the knowledge that God gives me thru prayer, His word, etc.. the kind of knowledge that only I GET and no one else around me seems to or even understands/agrees with when i bring it to their attention) that i'm given sometimes. right now I'm in a few books that have helped with the process. i know you're frustrated, and believe me..i understand.. but here's a little light: through your frustration and outcry, i have been refreshed and a little uplifted that i'm not alone. take that and put it in your back pocket for a little while until we can sit down and chat! which i'm really praying will happen so. know that you are loved, thought of, understood, and prayed for!! i love your blog. thank you for your transparency.
p.s. i can't get over the excitement i have to find someone that understands.
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