Dear God,
so i'm a little pissed right now. at least frustrated! i have these things i want in my life...things i *know* You've placed on my heart. but it all seems so very out of reach--for me. everyone else? they're getting all the things my little heart longs for. and right now i'm just broken. i don't really know how i can express these feelings verbally, but i know You know. i'm angry & i'm tired of pretending i'm not. i wish You were physically *here* so i could yell at You & then listen to You tell me just how dumb i'm being. in the meantime i feel as though i'm just lost here doing my best to keep my head above the waves, but i'm getting tired...so very tired.
You know what i long for. i'm trusting that Your plan *will* work out & i'll see (once again) that Your plan was in motion all along.
can i also ask You, while i'm just rambling here, to help us find a church home? i'm a little burnt out on that whole situation. i've just been really disappointed with churches & people here so far. i feel like we can *go* to church but we can't *participate* in church & You know that's not my game. i need to be a part, to be active. gah!!! it's all so frustrating!!! and i don't feel that i can talk to anyone about it. i don't need their opinion, i just need to vent & be done. so You get the earful, which is probably better anyway, since REALLY it's Your opinion & Your help i'm trying to seek out here.
i'm a little burned out right now. and i don't feel like putting the effort out. i'm tired. i feel like i've lost me in being who they needed me to be...and it hurts. a lot.
maybe you could just shake up our life a bit? move us across the world? to live in a hut somewhere? i'd be down with that. at least just move us from here? please? i need to be able to breathe again. i need to feel You & I are close again, besties. so i'm telling You now...from this point on, i'm going to focus on focusing again. and i'm looking forward to one of those God-hugs You like to surround me with!
thanks,
trix
