Have you ever noticed that when you tell people something new or exciting 60% of those people don't congratulate you or bask in the awesomeness of your new adventure, they go on a seemingly never ending spew on what could go wrong. Adoption has proved to be no different. I've planned on adopting my whole life, and no one really cared or paid any attention when I was making such claims at five years of age. But now that I've reached the age that most people think the hubs and I should be starting a family, the questions--demands have begun. When I explain what type of child I hope for, people get this quizzical look, but how? As if the *only* way to procure children is through ones own body. You can't help but laugh. Laugh, that people still have such limited views of what make a family. Laugh, that people think every woman desires to host a fetus in their body for nine months. Laugh, that as a society we still fail to see that we've *all* been charged to care for the widows and the orphans.
Once we've moved past the perplexed look, the one after I announce I willingly choose adopt my children rather than birth them, that's when reactions really start to change. The ones I love the most are the ones that mirror the reactions of my best friends, the jittery excitement, the genuine desire to be a part of my future children's lives, the absolute inability to contain their overwhelming joy. That's my favorite reaction, it warms my heart and my soul, and it makes me know I've done well in choosing those in which to surround myself.
There's also the mediocre response, the, "Oh, adoption..." Those are the people that don't really know what to say because they don't understand adoption, they've never considered it, they've never known anyone adopting or adopted. So they stutter, and they smile, and they tell you that's awesome. I can appreciate these people, because I feel that way sometimes around pregnant women, or in a room full of mothers discussing poop, and nap times--I've got nothing to contribute because I'm not there and I don't want to say the wrong thing.
The absolutely most heart-wrenching reaction though, is the automatic launch into adoption horror stories! Mostly the pity I feel for the person talking, not ourselves. Now, I know from experience this dooms day reaction is not only for adoption, I've heard equally horrific accounts for birthing, and world travel, and even mission work. So please don't think that I believe this reaction is solely a burden for hopeful adoptive parents. It's more of a plea, if you know me, or you know someone that is in the process of adopting or considering adoption, hold back the horror just to have something to say. For every story you want to tell me about the families you know that have behavioral problems with their adopted children, I'll give you ten more of biologically born children that are just as bad if not worse. When you warn me that kids from a certain country are destined for problems I'll give you countless examples of children I know from that country that are happy and healthy and belong to amazing families.
I'll tell you that no family is guaranteed happiness. I'll tell you no parent is guaranteed the perfect child. I'll tell you that no matter what, family is never traditional. I'll tell you that only those willing to be helpful & supportive will be allowed to be a part of this family. I'll tell you, I hope you want to be that part, but if not, I understand. And then I'll kindly ask you to leave...
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
2 years ago
