reactions...

     Have you ever noticed that when you tell people something new or exciting 60% of those people don't congratulate you or bask in the awesomeness of your new adventure, they go on a seemingly never ending spew on what could go wrong. Adoption has proved to be no different. I've planned on adopting my whole life, and no one really cared or paid any attention when I was making such claims at five years of age. But now that I've reached the age that most people think the hubs and I should be starting a family, the questions--demands have begun. When I explain what type of child I hope for, people get this quizzical look, but how? As if the *only* way to procure children is through ones own body. You can't help but laugh. Laugh, that people still have such limited views of what make a family. Laugh, that people think every woman desires to host a fetus in their body for nine months. Laugh, that as a society we still fail to see that we've *all* been charged to care for the widows and the orphans.
     Once we've moved past the perplexed look, the one after I announce I willingly choose adopt my children rather than birth them, that's when reactions really start to change. The ones I love the most are the ones that mirror the reactions of my best friends, the jittery excitement, the genuine desire to be a part of my future children's lives, the absolute inability to contain their overwhelming joy. That's my favorite reaction, it warms my heart and my soul, and it makes me know I've done well in choosing those in which to surround myself.
     There's also the mediocre response, the, "Oh, adoption..." Those are the people that don't really know what to say because they don't understand adoption, they've never considered it, they've never known anyone adopting or adopted. So they stutter, and they smile, and they tell you that's awesome. I can appreciate these people, because I feel that way sometimes around pregnant women, or in a room full of mothers discussing poop, and nap times--I've got nothing to contribute because I'm not there and I don't want to say the wrong thing.
     The absolutely most heart-wrenching reaction though, is the automatic launch into adoption horror stories! Mostly the pity I feel for the person talking, not ourselves. Now, I know from experience this dooms day reaction is not only for adoption, I've heard equally horrific accounts for birthing, and world travel, and even mission work. So please don't think that I believe this reaction is solely a burden for hopeful adoptive parents. It's more of a plea, if you know me, or you know someone that is in the process of adopting or considering adoption, hold back the horror just to have something to say. For every story you want to tell me about the families you know that have behavioral problems with their adopted children, I'll give you ten more of biologically born children that are just as bad if not worse. When you warn me that kids from a certain country are destined for problems I'll give you countless examples of children I know from that country that are happy and healthy and belong to amazing families.

I'll tell you that no family is guaranteed happiness. I'll tell you no parent is guaranteed the perfect child. I'll tell you that no matter what, family is never traditional. I'll tell you that only those willing to be helpful & supportive will be allowed to be a part of this family. I'll tell you, I hope you want to be that part, but if not, I understand. And then I'll kindly ask you to leave...

when dreams hurt...

Last night i had a dream. i don't dream often, or remember them, or whatever. But last night i did. I dreamed that my husband and i were given our referral child for two days as a trial run. now i know that is *not* the way things work, but it did in this dream, so we'll roll with it. this orphan we received, it wasn't the child i see when i picture our future children, for starters it was only one, but i was instantly in love! he had my full attention every moment of each day, he was "ours". i fell headlong, over the top, crazy, unconditionally, in LOVE with this child.
and then we had to return him.
not because the trial period went badly, but because we weren't ready to complete the adoption. we didn't have an actual room for him, we didn't have all the finances lined up, it was TERRIBLE. i felt my soul had been ripped from within! i sobbed for days...i actually woke up sobbing. i spent the day mourning an orphan that was a figment of my imagination.

i feel this is the beginning of my life. adoption & orphan care has been emblazoned on our hearts & we're about to jump head first into it!

what if i suck...

so i've been honored...asked to write one of the hardest things of my life. i'm writing a reference letter for a couple that i consider some of my best friends. i've already composed 7 different drafts. i'm not happy with one of them. it's not because i'm struggling to find things to say about this couple...it's that i have too much to say. i feel like i'm not being concise enough. i'm sitting here crying because i have so many good things to say about these people. how they've been there for me every step of the way since i've moved to this place. they unknowingly stepped into an empty part of my life filling in for my friends and family that, due to distance, can't be there for me in the ways this couple can. i have learned from them. lessons i may not have wanted to learn, but they so patiently taught me anyway. i'm so excited that they are on their way to becoming parents. it's so much more emotional than i had ever thought it would be. i can't help but thinking, if i'm this excited & this emotional about my close-as-family family getting their own child, i can't even imagine the emotions that are going to ransack my mind & body when my family offers me the title of Aunt as well. y'all, seriously, i'm NOT a crier...but i've been sitting here crying for the past 1/2 hour trying to put all these good things into a concise, professional, fun letter to let others know what great hands this kid will be placed in. i think i'm a bit nervous at letting them down. i know i'm over analyzing this, i know that, but i want this to be a perfect reflection of what perfect parents i know they will be. ok, seriously, i'm wiping up the blubbering & heading to bed...'night...

And You Shalled Be Named...

TATOR-TOT

As many of you know, my brother-in-law & sister-in-law are in the process of adopting a precious bundle of joy from Taiwan! I’m both super excited & a scoch jealous of them for this. Adoption has always been something I’ve looked forward to in the process of expanding my family one day. I’ve wanted this since I was little, way before the Brangelina-eclectic-family-craze. (Let me insert a disclaimer here: my brother/sister-in-law are NOT following a craze, they are adopting out of the purest love & a desire for a child of their own.)
So I’m super excited they get to experience the joy of adoption which is awesome & I get to live vicariously through them on this venture, which is super awesome! There’s just the most miniscule part of me that is jealous that they are at that point in their lives. I mean, by no means am I ready to actively seek the expansion of my own family, but seeing the joy on their faces makes me wish a little we were at that point ourselves—but only a little, don’t read any further into that my friends.
Back to the excitement! So the brother/sister-in-law have begun the tedious journey of the adoption application process, and boy is it a doozey! I’m not going to delve into their personals here, but anyone who knows anything about adopting knows how in depth this whole process goes. I on the other hand only have to hear about these things lending an ear here & there, etc. (sweet deal!)
But I’ve hit quite the conundrum…what are we going to call this kid until, to quote my sister-in-law, "he/she" gets here??? I’ve been racking my brains since the moment I discovered I was to be an aunt as to the perfect gender neutral name. I refused to be cliché with a “Squirt” or “Peanut” or anything of the like. In desperation, I resulted to calling "he/she" Lil’ Raney until I could dream up THE PERFECT NICKNAME for my niece/nephew-to-be. I’m sure there are those of you out there rolling your eyes right now, as if the right nickname is not a big deal. But oh, you are so wrong! The wrong nickname can ruin a kid, set them up for a life of failure, of endless teasing, oh, the horror! I cannot be responsible for the ruin-ation of Lil’ Raney. So I thought, and thought, and thought…I mean we’re going on months here that I’ve known this kid will be in my life some day and I can’t think of an affectionate yet awesome term of endearment other than Lil’ Raney?? What has become of me?
Fear not, internet! For last night I was mulling over possible names for this kid, and it hit me like a mac truck sliding on black ice down I-65 this side of Mount Eagle!
Tator-tot!
I know, I know, blank stares, right? It’s ok…you probably need a little back story here. When I was first enlightened in the situation surrounding this decision for brother/sister-in-law it was a lunch date with the Sister-In-Law. We went to Sonic…this is where I learned all about everything and couldn’t have been more blessed to be a part of, excited to help in any way possible, and eager to do my part. The point? I’m getting there. What are the 2 most amazing things on the menu at Sonic? Onion Rings & Tator Tots, duh! Well you can’t call a kid Onion Ring…what if "he/she" has some body odor issue? Then it’ll be forever reminded of this issue every time Aunt Tricia comes around, sadness, I can’t be liable for heartache caused to that dear little being! No, no, instead I opted for Tator-Tot. How cute is that?!? I mean really, it may take you awhile to warm up to it, and I’m ok with that…to be honest I didn’t even really run it by the parents before I chose "his/her name. But I love it and I plan on getting it put on as much baby stuff as I can when the time comes! Now it IS important that Tator-Tot is ALWAYS hyphenated, because otherwise people will feel the need to shorten that poor kids name to TT…and that’s just a road that leads to no good. However, if Tator-Tot remains hyphenated, the name can only be shortened to “T” which is totally cool ‘cause that’s the first letter of my own name and will, by association, make the kid that much cooler!

So little Tator-Tot wherever you may be (conceived or not) I love you so much & can’t wait until I meet you! You are blessed already with the most amazing and loving parents any kid could ever ask for. You’re going to have such a blast growing up…just wanted you to know!
~Love,