there's somthing about live music that just touches my soul...it opens me up & frees me. it always has. music has always been an escape from the world for me. the downside that sometimes it makes me feel too safe.
tonight i discovered that the combination of live music and darkness is the perfect combination to get me to spill many of the secrets i keep. if i had put that together, say, fifteen years ago, i would have saved thousands of dollars in therapy! Turn on some good music, turn off the lights, & i'll spill my soul to you. great.
i went to the Balloon Festival in Natchez, MS with some very good friends of mine. they are great people. amazing really. always there when i need it, often when i don't even know i need it. but i still like to keep my secrets. sometimes it's because i don't feel i deserve to feel hurt, or angry, or much of anything really. but there's something about good music & the dark that just crumbles my walls of protection & i can't stop talking despite that voice screaming in the back of my head telling me i'm talking too much. the thing about the darkness is just how much it hides. you can't see the judgment on people's faces. you can't see pity in their eyes. i'm not saying that these friends i over shared with tonight experienced either of those things...but that's what i fear regardless. and now i feel overly exposed. naked. and i don't really know what to do about it. how do you look a friend in the eye after they've accidentally seen you naked? how do you look them in the eye & talk to them as if they have never seen your most intimate thoughts & feelings? how do you...?
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2 comments:
I'm pretty sure you look me in the eyes and I've seen you naked... for real. :)
baaahahahaha!!! it's true...but that was on purpose ;)
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